As I mentioned previously, I’ve been working in LA. My hotel, the LAX Plaza, is across the street from our office, and our office is across the street from the client. So I walk to work, walk to client meetings. I can’t get over how bizarre that feels in LA. Of course I still rent a car, because after work, the Culver City area is just a strip mall ghetto.
They’re renovating the LAX Plaza one-room-at-a-time, so our office manager in LA told me I had to ask for a “new” room. She also told me not to eat in the hotel restaurant or hang out in the hotel bar.
The place is a far cry from some of the places I’ve been lucky to stay in over the past year, so I’ve put together the following list of things the LAX Plaza does not give me for $99 a night…
10. Elevators that tell you what floor they’re on
9. Cable television (except, alternately, CNN or Discovery)
8. Internet access
7. An alarm clock
6. A “Do Not Disturb” card for the door
5. A mini bar
4. Bath slash shower gel
3. Pillows that don’t smell like “head”
2. A blanket without cigarette holes in it
1. That clean feeling
And one old, relevant Top Ten list from the Late Show:
Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy In A Hotel
10. “The desk clerk is nuts, so whatever room number she gives you, add three.”
9. “I wrote you a note about halfway through your roll of toilet paper.”
8. “Meet me in the whirlpool in twenty minutes.”
7. “If you want a bellhop, press ‘1’ on your phone; If you want a hooker, press ‘2.’”
6. “Ring this bell again, I’ll burn your luggage.”
5. “Hey, could you go over to the Ramada and swipe us some towels?”
4. “You know, every room has a hair dryer — How’s that for ritzy?”
3. “Are you the bastard that took my gin out of the minibar?”
2. “Wanna see the pictures I took of you sleeping?”
1. “Do you mind sharing your room with a monkey?”
Next time I’m staying here. It’s hardly luxury, but it’s next door.