Stupid product of the week: OJ Insanity

Tropicana Orange Juice Insanity

From the image above, you know I’m not talking about the notorious former football great.

In case you’re counting, yes, that’s twelve varieties of Tropicana orange juice. Twelve! And that’s not including the orange juice blends (orange-tangerine, orange-pineapple and orange-strawberry-banana).

There are varieties to suit various pulp-tolerances of course, but also tastes (low acid) and nutritional needs (calcium, fiber). There’s an orange juice for kids for some reason, one just for your heart and one to “reduce the effects of oxidation.”

Next up, maybe we’ll see one just for men (Tropicana E.D.), one for seniors (Tropicana Hip Therapy), dogs (Tropicana Liver and Bacon), hell, why not senior dogs (again, I suppose, Tropicana Hip Therapy).

If that’s not enough, maybe Tropicana will scrap them all and replace them with an in-store orange juice configurator kiosk. You dial your pulp up or down, add any combination of nutrients, answer some demographic and lifestyle questions and… voila: personalized orange juice.

Until then, make room in your pantry.